Building confidence and dealing with shyness
Flirting can be quite an exciting thing to do and with positive results can feel really good and potentially lead to meeting new people, going on a date or further still a good relationship. However to some people flirting can come naturally but to others you may not know where to start. Whichever category you think you might fit into there maybe some useful tips, hints and advice so read on!
Dating and finding someone you like can be hard. It can also be inefficient as it can sometimes take a while to find someone you like enough to date, and progress on from this to liking someone enough to build a relationship. It is also difficult to know if someone we've met or know likes you in the same way you like them. Although definitely not a precise method, flirting can give you stronger indications (and therefore potentially help to build confidence) as to the true intensions and desires of the person we might flirt with. For example, say you met someone in a bar that you liked and fancied and potentially wanted to date. Let's say you started chatting and it moved on to flirting and then perhaps they started to flirt with you, it could give you confidence and help you to decide whether to take the risk and take it one step further. Asking someone out can be risky if it's the case that we're afraid of being rejected or turned down (more advice and thoughts on handling rejection), which is often a common fear when it comes to looking and seeking someone to date.
Flirting, since at the same time it can be considered that your intentions are not serious, you can work to your advantage. This is because it can be non-committal, perhaps socially acceptable (depending on the situation) to flirt with a few people and a bit of fun. Therefore you can try and find out who likes you the same way you like them and then you may even have a selection you think you can choose from, if that is something that appeals!
How to flirt, a question of confidence?
Flirting can be down to confidence. It can also be quite fun and exciting. Flirting is probably best explained by example. It is a combination of accentuating your "assets" and being perhaps suggestive in what you say. There are potentially different ways that men and women flirt since they are generally using what they perceived to be their good, likeable and attractive "assets". So for a woman this may be flicking her hair, pushing forward her chest, getting close so that her perfume or hair can be smelt, showing the legs and rubbing together. For men, holding themselves confidently, looking her straight in her eyes, getting close so they can smell your aftershave, pushing the chest out and shoulders firm to show strength. Although to some these features which have been pointed out may be obvious and come naturally, it can still be useful to highlight to help understand how to flirt and flirting ideas.
Power in subtlety
There are many things and combination of things that can physically be done with differing levels of "suggestiveness" and requiring certain levels of confidence. It is a careful balance of subtlety. In terms of the things you might actually say, examples include being very complimentary, attentive to what they are saying and asking inquisitive questions.
On the whole it is about subtly showing that you're interested in them and that you have attractive features as well. It is also then very important to gauge and be observant to their response, for example, is it positive, do they do similar things back to you to show they are interested and also have attractive things about them? It may take time and experience to understand and observe the subtle signs that are being given off by the person you are flirting with to build confidence that you might be successful if you wanted to progress this flirting to a date. One of the main helps and objectives of flirting (with respect to dating) is to try and figure out if the person you are flirting with likes you the same way you like them. As said above this can build confidence to take the next step to ask them on a date or get to know them better.
Flirting can also take time and therefore patience may be needed. This may therefore mean it can take longer to make the decision that you want to "go out on a limb" or take this risk and ask someone out on a date, although hopefully the time you have put in showing you like them and that you're both interested in one another will help you both to be successful.
When flirting can go wrong
Flirting is not an exact science and not the most efficient communication tool meaning that sometimes we can read the signs wrong, misinterpret the situation or what they say. Flirting can potentially help when you want to try and reduce the risk of being rejected, but due to it's inexact nature it has risks and disadvantages of it's own. If you find the flirting goes wrong it can mean you feel a number of emotions including rejection and disappointment but it can also mean you may need to deal potentially with an unwanted situation. Highlighting and raising awareness of this risk can be useful so that you can be prepared to deal with it, for example, having a friend step in who can give you the chance to excuse yourself from the situation, or being polite if there has been a misunderstanding.
Progressing flirting to dating
Flirting with respect to dating, is about subtly letting someone know you like them and then at the same time figuring out if you get a similar response. This helps to build confidence and help get over being shy. To progress to dating it is essentially taking that forward step and basically asking them out on a date! However because you have been flirting with them you hopefully are now at more of an advantage because hopefully you may have a better idea and more confidence that they like you the same way you like them.
Flirting can in some circumstances be a useful "tool" to get over shyness and build confidence before taking the risk to see if they would like to go on a date. However at the same time it is an inexact science and therefore with some disadvantages including receiving confusing signals and so it should be used carefully. Good luck and hope it goes well!